There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What is the difference between a panda and a polar bear?
About 1,000 miles.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
I tried to phone the spiritual leader of Tibet once, but I was sent a big goat with a long neck instead.
I must have phoned Dial-a-Llama by mistake.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
To the person who stole my coffee, my lamp, and my parrot…
I don’t know how you sleep at night.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
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