What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners!
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?
A jump rope.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
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