What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
The favourite day of the week for wolves is moonday.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
What do you call a gorilla who has been locked up in prison?
A kong-vict
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
A camel can work all week without drinking..
A man can drink all week without working.
Cows will never make the police force because they simply refuse to go on steak-outs.
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