Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
What sound does a llama’s doorbell make?
Llama llama ding dong.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because they wouldn't take a bath!
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word to say...
Unless you're Chinese. Then it's 'squirrel'.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
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