Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
You have goat to be kidding me.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What did the alligator say to the other alligator that was in the way?
“Please move, I need to get bayou.”
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
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