Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What is a lion’s favourite cheese?
Roarquefort
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
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