What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off!
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What did the crow decide to dress up as on Halloween? As a scarecrow.
How do lions greet people?
"Pleased to eat you!"
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
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