Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
It’s a dam shame.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What did the deer say after she saw her Amazon bill?
“I spent too much doe!”
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
A group of crows drooling over a pastry is called a-tempted murder.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
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