What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
What’s something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
Where does a dinosaur lay in the sun? At the dino-shore
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
Today I learned that mosquitoes love type-B blood.
Oops. sorry, type-O.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
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