What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What’s worse than one crocodile coming to dinner?
Two crocodiles coming to dinner.
Why are frogs good at baseball?
Because they catch a lot of fly balls.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What kind of seal do you get on letters from Turkey?
A stamped bull.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
A traitor.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
What symbolizes a goat’s family tree?
A goat of arms.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
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