What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Did you hear that the singer Seal left a night club event because of the revellers sharing derogatory poems about him?
He was dissed by the prose at a rave.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
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