What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
The public investigated a box full of crows because it was a murder case.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
How do you ask a dinosaur to lunch? Tea Rex?
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What kind of dinosaur can you ride in a rodeo? A Bronco-saurus!
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
What holiday do bats love best?
St. Bat-rich’s Day.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
The police hung up the phone call when I informed them about a murder in my front yard. They said they could not do anything regarding the crows.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
Why was the crow on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
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