What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
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