Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
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