What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
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