What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
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