What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What do the lady pigs say when someone leaves the toilet seat up? “Hoof-orgot to put the seat down?"
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Why do pigs make awful football players?
They don’t like playing with the “pig skin.”
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
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