Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
A gorilla starts off his day by going to his car
When he gets to his car, he notices hes missing something. He walks back in his house, and asks his wife "Have you seen monkeys?"
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Q. Which kind of ape enjoys smoking tobaco?
A. Cigarilla.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Why did the Gorilla fail its exam? He didn't have the ape-titude.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What do you call a polyarmourus deceased gorilla?
Harembe.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
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