Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
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