What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
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