How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
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