What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
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