My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
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