My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
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