My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What happens when you cross an Australian dog and a Beatle?
Dingo Starr.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
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