Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
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