I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
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