What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
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