What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
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