Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What do cats read in the morning? The mewspaper!
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
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