Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine… but catscan.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
Why was the cat kicked out of the game? They thought she was a cheetah.
Why did the cat invest in the stock market? He thought is was a good op-paw-tunity
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
What’s the difference between a comma and a cat?
One has the paws before the claws, the other has the clause before the pause.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
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