What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
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