What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
What is the similarity between a male deer and a beaver? Both have buck teeth.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
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