What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
When doesn’t a bull have horns?
When it’s a bullfrog.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What did the dolphin say to its friend who wouldn’t stop lying?
Stop spouting nonsense!
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?
A little otter...
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
I told my husband that the National Zoo's sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies. He said "now she's guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony."
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
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