What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
How did the little koala bear stop the movie? She hit the paws button.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
The chicken farmer died under mysterious circumstances.
The police suspect fowl play.
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
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