A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
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