What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
Where does a 500-pound penguin sit?
Anywhere it wants.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
Which side of a penguin has the most feathers?
The outside.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
Why are there no penguins in Britain?
Because they’re afraid of Wales.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.