What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
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