The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
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