What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
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