"You had me at merlot."
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"Be kind, re-wine."
"Adulting makes me wine."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
"It's wine o'clock."
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
"Say you'll be wine."
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
"Here for the right riesling."
"No wine left behind."
"Time to wine down."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"Read between the wines."
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
"Great minds drink alike."
"You are so bottlefull to me."
"Stop and smell the rosé."
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
"Alcohol you later."
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
"I mead more wine."
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."