Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
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