Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Go to BabaMail
