What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
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