Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
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