What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Everybody romaine calm.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
I love you from my head tomato
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
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