What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
"I make pour decisions."
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
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