Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
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