What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
I hope for world peas.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
"On cloud wine."
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
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