What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
"I make pour decisions."
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
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