Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
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