What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
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