What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
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