Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Go to BabaMail
