What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
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