What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What a spud muffin.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
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